Captain America’s World Rankings Are Kind of Embarrassing
Woo-hoo! Captain America is #1. Suck it, Axis of Evil! …Wait… what’s that? Captain America is 24th in reading comprehension AND couldn’t solve a math problem to save his life. Aw, bummer.
Just in time for the Independence Day weekend, FoxADHD has put out a brand new updated version of Captain America’s theme song based on world statistics. It turns out that Captain America is really good at using electricity and driving gas-guzzling SUVs, but not so good at watching his weight.
Damn you, Fox animators and your socialist America-hating views. I’m going to write you a stern internet comment — right after I chug this 2 liter soda.